Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
