hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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