I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
