I'm going to jail i love you
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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