whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
