Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
