I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
