you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
