i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
