I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
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Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
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And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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