I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
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