I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
