I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
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All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
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Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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