Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
