just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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