Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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