Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
