Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You took a bar mat shot.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
