before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
