No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
