i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
