you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
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