Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
