just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize