If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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