You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I CAN MOONWALK!
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
