don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
