D3 body, D1 cock
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
