Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
