I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
