They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
