i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
