matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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