Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
