I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
