I want to make a zoo with you.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
