Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
they're like a gay fantastic four
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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