More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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