You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize