Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
