I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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