he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
