eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
