i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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