you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
