The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
