Christians are straight up FREAKS
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
