So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i dont even know how to be here
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I would ride that face into the sunset
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
