so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I enjoy the company of your penis
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
