dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
