why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
