It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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