You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
