So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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