took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
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he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
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and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
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