I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
