That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
