Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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