Sponge bath it is.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
