I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize