She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
