Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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