I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
